happiness

30 Days of NaNoWriMo

As I mentioned in the Camp NaNoWriMo Winner post, I’m still missing the last 8 days in my 30 days writing adventure (see 7 Days, 14 Days, and 22 Days of NaNoWriMo for the previous days). Well, here they are!

  • Day #23: If you pretend you’ve just started writing, would it become easier?

The main issue with WriMo, at least for myself, is how the whole thing become excruciating the longer you’re doing. The start is easier because you’re excited, you have an idea you feel great about, it feels like sunshine and rainbows. But as you dwell deeper and deeper into the story and spend more and more time writing, you feel the need to put it aside. Yet the whole point is not to do that, so whatcha gonna do?

  • Day #24: Just 1 week left… Which sounds like torture, considering I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks.

It. Does. Not. Get. Better. You’d think being near the end and reaching your goal should give you the mythical boost you so need right about now. Maybe you’re too far away from the end? Yeah, last-minute boosts are more like your thing, but you can’t really complete the 30K words on the last day.

  • Day #25: Mercy, mercy! Just shoot me already.

Chinese water torture has nothing on monthly writing months. I feel like Dolores Umbridge’s sitting next to me, chuckling at the sight of horror I’m in while attempting to catch up with my word count. Except the word count’s not my issue, but the inability to move beyond some plot points. The failure to continue writing the story I wanted to tell.

  • Day #26: What was I supposed to be writing about?

By now my brain has probably gone into retirement and I’m more zombie than human. I can’t think, I can’t function, but we’ve got just a few days left and somehow I’m still typing. I say typing because I’m not sure the stuff that’s coming up on the screen can be considered writing.

  • Day #27: If no one wants to shoot me, I’ll just start breaking stuff.

If you believe I’m joking, that’s some serious wishful thinking. When you spend a month doing heavy writing you start feeling like the Hulk. Enraged, full with strength you want to throw around at any chance you find. Starting from the not-so-lovely place you used for writing in the first place.

  • Day #28: Don’t stop the music writing. 

Maybe if you drink another bucket of coffee and stay up all night you’ll get ahead of your goal in a single day. Or maybe you’ll put yourself in a coma and sleep through next year’s writing months. Both options sound appealing so you give it a go.

  • Day #29: I CAN FREAKING DO THIS!!

Since validation can ultimately be done on the last day at latest, the 30th is never that important for me. My goal is being prepared for that day, so that I’m not frantically trying to come up with crap just to finish the whole event before the last minute clocks out. It also lets me enjoy that last day with joy and gratitude while looking back at what I’ve accomplished in the previous days. However, it also means that I’m one day short in the month and that my 29th day is always a witch with a B. The only way to get through such a day, is to remain hopeful and keep yourself motivated.

  • Day #30: Best month ever!

[Yes, I’m using an Obama gif for this] IT’S OOOOOVER!! Okay that thought makes me sad about it, but I can just glance at what I’ve written and it puts a smile on my face (that’s when I’m reading stuff from the early days, the writing from the last couple days make me want to hug the desk with my face). If I wasn’t tired I’d be jumping up and down with joy the whole day. It’s profound happiness, makes you wonder what other accomplishments feel like this.

As I said in a previous post, congrats to both those who did and didn’t manage to complete their Camp NaNoWriMo goals. Just remember that once you recharge the batteries you should tie yourself to the chair once again (for writing, not for kinky business).Strike while the iron is hot, don’t make your writing any harder by letting the idea fly away.

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Birthday Thoughts

BirthdayThat would be a photo of myself and my niece this last Friday, April 10th, when I “celebrated” my 23rd birthday. I don’t know if it’s a culture thing that’s only present on the Balkan, but around here in your early twenties it’s expected that you get your Uni degree, you find yourself a permanent job, and you get engaged or married so you can settle down with a family. For better or for worse, I can say I’ve done none of that, but it doesn’t bother me. If all goes well, I’ll graduate this June. On the job front, we’ll see how things go eventually. And on the relationship part, why rush anything?

The only things I consider important in life are those each individual person wants to do. Things that make you happy, things that fill your soul, things that keep you thinking and improving as a human being. If everyone else is happy with getting those things by the age of 20-something, then I’m glad they’ve found joy and I wish them all the best in life. I can only hope they would understand that as much as we’re all the same in many ways, we’re completely different in other ways and we can’t all lead the same life. That would be ridiculously mundane and likely very harmful for humanity’s progress and evolution over the years.

But I’m not asking for any permission or acceptance. Currently I consider myself happy, and that’s the only stamp of approval I need. Whether others question my choices or give me side-way glances doesn’t matter to me, we all make sacrifices in life and I guess that will be one of mine. Heck, if that’s the only price for happiness, sign me up for a lifetime supply of it, I will take as much as I can if it means extra happiness.

On the other hand, it’s been one crazy busy week with the Easter holidays, this birthday, family and relatives visiting, Camp NaNoWriMo, and all sorts of other things. Which isn’t necessarily good, because when it comes to birthdays I pretty much share the same thoughts as Ron Swanson.

“I don’t like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don’t like people celebrating because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus, the whole thing is a scam: birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.” ~ Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation

Sorry, Not Sorry

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

We’re all born the same way and we die the same way – alone in a vast world filled with all of these other life forms around us. Some like to think they’re the center of that world, but the truth is, we’re all very insignificant in the larger picture. We’re not even fragments of the larger picture, we’re tiny granules and it takes thousands and thousands of us to create a fragment. Which is not to say we’re not worthy or replaceable. We are who we are, we do what we do, and that can still make all the difference in the world because change comes individually. Yet if we all change in an individual manner, then everything has changed as a whole. Unity is what makes the difference, but that unit begins and ends with each one of us.

But the world nowadays doesn’t work that way. You’re born and you die alone, but in between you meet and forget lots of names, lots of faces, lots of characters. Some of them accept you for who you are, others don’t agree with who you are; some of them want to change you for the better, others want to change you for the worse; some of them won’t even pay attention to you, others will give you all the attention in the world. And while it’s up to you how to respond to any of those groups, you should never give up your own individuality and your own character.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

In a world where you’re being pulled from one side, pushed from another side, chained from a third side, and harmed from a fourth side, the impossible task is not allowing any of those sides to define who you are. Not allowing anyone or anything to alter what you stand for and what you want to do. Which is not to say you shouldn’t keep an open mind, without that you’re the equivalent of a stubborn mule not making any movement or progress at all. But your thoughts and your voice should forever remain yourself, and you should be the one who decides where you go, what you do, what  and who you accept and what and who you deny.

It’s impeccably difficult to define yourself, and for that you need to be alone. You shouldn’t be lonely, you should learn to be and live alone, you should accept and enjoy your own company. You should discover what you love and what you hate, who you trust and who you don’t. On the other hand it’s ridiculously easy to forget who you are. It’s easy to get swept in the masses when all along you were trying to go opposite of them. And you can fix that by being alone and reminding yourself what you stood for.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

I may be away sometimes. You may not see me in a while, you may not hear from me in a while. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten who I am or who everyone else around me is, quite the contrary it likely means I’m reminding myself of that. Maybe I should be sorry from distancing myself from everyone and everything, maybe that’s wrong and I’m making mistakes, and maybe I should even feel bad about it. But I don’t, I’m not sorry. I’m fine and I’m happy, but if I ever need you, you know where to find me.

Carpe Diem

Take a step, make a move, take a lead. Get a hold of your life, because at the end of the day everything you do will affect the rest of your life.

In one of my previous posts, Sadness, Be Gone! I talked how we should carefully select our friends. And I am here to talk about how wonderful life can be when you have the right friends and don’t let others affect you negatively. You are the center of your world, you are the strongest tower in your castle and the last thing you want to do is lose your King/Queen. Don’t let someone else rule your realm, be your own leader. Do what makes you happy, not what makes others happy.

Whether we’re talking about the type of pizza you want to order or the place you want to move to, you need to sit down and think things through yourself. Advice is welcome, but don’t feel bad for not taking someone’s advice even if they say they’re offended by that. How can one be offended by that? It’s not their life, it’s yours. Don’t let someone else make you feel sad or angry or jealous. Don’t let anyone else make you do or be anything beside being happy.

If you are happy then return the joy to them and make them smile when they have a bad time. Respect, appreciate, and return all good things you receive. Even if it’s just a smile, it will mean to them a lot. I know I have failed myself many times on this front, but I try my best. Many times I go along with what others do and then regret it, or forget to thank someone for the help and then feel bad about it later on. I’m nowhere near perfect, but at least I keep trying. I really do.

I just had what was possibly the worst day this year. My previous “Storm!” wasn’t really as strong or long as I expected; 3 of the plans I had for today failed and I cancelled the 4th so I can do work at home; I vacuumed for 2 hours and felt like and overused towel; I had a 2-hour meeting which ended up with extreme amounts of drama and stress, I had a headache for about 2 hours after said meeting, and last but not least – my mind had a meltdown. I’m not sure if it was the fact that I had a headache and I got a random unexpected call, but as I left home I had the weirdest day dreaming.

It wasn’t really day dreaming, I didn’t have my eyes closed as I was walking on the streets, but I was thinking and my mind was sending me thoughts of its own. What were they? Things I don’t get even in nightmares. They included my home, family, random hooligans (probably because of the group of punks I saw a bit before that), and a lot of violence and pain. My legs gave up on me. I was basically just standing there, realizing what my mind was thinking and panicking as I was trying to decide what to do. I called home and made sure everything is okay because it felt like a 6th sense is giving me warnings. Thankfully everything was fine and I managed to regain my consciousness soon.

I kept going to meet with some friends and I did something I really needed – drink a few beers with a chill conversations and happy topics along with some jokes and funny memories. It had unbelievable healing powers. All my bad thoughts were soon forgot, and my headache was gone. I realized I was feeling bad because of things and people I do not care about. They do not care about me, I have no need to care about them. Let them go their way and I will go my way.

I’m off to watch the finale of the Legend of Korra as I that’s what I want to do. That’s what would make me happy and help end my day with a smile rather than worries.

Gratitude and Praise

Whoever said finding happiness in the little things in life is all that matter was completely right. It’s probably one of the only valuable life advice that you should follow. Don’t wait for life to bring you wonders, but go out there and find happiness, create happiness, and just be happiness.

It has been a long and very productive week, and I still have work to do. But work doesn’t even feel like work when one feels happy. Why do I feel happy this week? A lot of things. But let me share some!

1. I got a gift from friends in the USA earlier this week and what made it more exciting was the fact that I didn’t know what it is, nor did I know when it’ll arrive. I just knew it was shipped. I was expecting another package as well that week so I thought I’m going to pick up that one when I went to get it from the post. But I was wrong! What I found was a Hufflepuff Pennant sent to me from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! w00t! It has now found its way into my room and is putting a smile on my face every morning when I wake up.

2. I had a haircut on Tuesday! The temperatures are so high I could no longer deal with hair I had. It wasn’t long at all, but I still felt the need to get rid of it. So my hair now is barely existent – you can see on the photo above. It was probably just like 1 inch long before that, but it’s still more than I could deal with.

3. I made a bunch of ice-cream at home and there is now plenty to last for at least another week. One of them is vanilla with cherry pieces while the other one is pure chocolate. They both taste delicious and I take my daily dose to cool down from these hell-like temperatures we are having these days.

4. I finally got around to cleaning my desktop. I had so many files and folders on it I could barely see my wallpaper in the background. Needless to say that’s another shiny gift (though an Xmas one)! And it has a pretty golden mockingjay and the every joyful “MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR!” quote (Hunger Games, anyone)?

5. Free time. Yes, the bare fact that I’m sitting here at almost 11 pm and writing a blog post means a lot to me. I even have a new True Blood episode opened so I can catch more on the show after I’m done posting and catching up with all blogs I follow. I’m truly sorry I haven’t been posting as frequently as I wanted to originally, but this summer ended up keeping me more busy than I expected. Though fear not, I will try my best! 😀