Camp NaNoWriMo Winner

I guess this is where a photo of my writing pens in flexing pose would go. Or a photo of my keyboard flexing, or whatever the equivalent of a writer’s biceps flexing would be. But maybe that lovely banner up there is just enough to get the point across. My goal for 2015’s Camp NaNoWriMo was 30,000 words. Understandably that might not feel like a big deal and it’s obviously almost half of what the traditional NaNoWriMo is. Yet, for anyone who has been following my weekly updates on the matter (7 Days, 14 Days, 22 Days, and a recap of the last week will probably follow tomorrow when hopefully my brain is more cooperative), it should be fairly clear that April is a ridiculously busy month for me.

Not only are there a lot of holidays (which contrary to what one might expect, take away your free time instead of giving you more), there’s a also my birthday, my volunteering as moderator at four different places, some job hunting, and a lot more I’m unable to list at the moment (mostly because my brain is trying to erase any knowledge of them so I’ll never think about them). On top of all that there might have been traces of a social life. That’s mainly why I went for 30K instead of 50K, which I knew wasn’t going to happen. And I’m not using that as an excuse, it’s more of a clarifier.

Everyone who has attempted NaNoWriMo of any form does not need excuses for how bad they’ve done. It’s not a job and it’s not for anyone else but yourself. It’s a personal project based on a hobby and when all is said and done the only thing that matters is that one is satisfied with their own final result. That being said, I’m ecstatic about my own results. Not solely because I’ve managed to write the freaking 30K I promised myself I’ll reach by the end of the month, but because I’m impressed with the story so far. Yep, so far, it’s not actually done yet. In fact, t might be a long while before it’s completed. While I’ve managed to write roughly 1000 words every day for 30 days, I cannot keep up that pace throughout the whole year — while I may act like it at times, I’m not a robot. Though that’d be pretty cool.

Anyway, it’s been a long day for me and I feel I’ve had enough of words, phrases, sentences, and paragraphs for now. I should get a proper rest and probably do some catching up with the TV shows I follow. I do hope all of you are enjoying your week, and for everyone else who manages to hit their Camp NaNoWriMo target, congratulations (and late congrats to all those who did so in the past several days)! To those who attempted but didn’t quite hit the mark, even bigger congratulations! You’ve done your best, tested the waters, explored the grounds, yada yada — it should help you accomplish your goal on your next run. Merlin knows we all fail, definitely more frequently than we win, so don’t let that discourage you and keep working. Rome wasn’t built in a day, even though you’re certainly free to try.

I’m off to do a victory dance and cuddle with my bed.

Mine’s not as good but you get the point.

Reader Problems Book Tag

I’m tired, sore, and ridiculously cranky. This translates to I’m not in the condition to write nor create anything out of thin air. Instead, I’m stealing another tag from Story and Somnomancy, and yes, it’s another book-ish one.

THE QUESTIONS

1) You have 20,000 books on your TBR. How in the world do you decide what to read next?

I can easily cut down the number based on what I’m planning to read next. I usually (sort of) know what I’m looking to read and if I can divide those books by genre the list should get way shorter. If I want to get super technical I can also do a selection based on how big a book is — if I know I don’t have the time to commit to a large book, I reach for the ones with less pages.

But I imagine at the end of all of it I’ll just pick something randomly. I have less trouble picking a book to read, I have more trouble getting through my TBR.

2) You’re halfway through a book and you’re just not loving it. Do you quit or commit?

I rarely drop a book for good. If I find it extremely dull I will likely just put a bookmark and leave it for another time. And by another time I mean some unknown point in the future when my brain goes “Hey, remember a while ago you were reading that book you didn’t quite like? I wanna give it another go.”

3) The end of the year is coming and you’re so close, yet so far away on your Goodreads Reading Challenge. Do you quit or commit?

This has already happened and I’ll be honest here, I quit. The thing is, if I had the time I would have devoured the books I’ve decided to read in that year. Plus, “the end of the year is nearing” is a period which tends to be rather busy for me, no matter what year it is. I know my strengths just as I’m aware of my weakness, I wouldn’t be able to do it (unless I had a magical item such as a Timeturner, which conveniently lets me go back in time and catch up).

4) The covers of a series you love DO. NOT. MATCH. How do you cope?

Ugh. Why would you put that thought in my head? I would most likely try to avoid the issue as long as I can, and separate the books on my shelf to avoid that horror show in my brain whenever I glance at it. Eventually, when the wallet allows it, I’d buy a set with matching covers and give away the old ones.

5) Everyone and their mother loves a book you really don’t like. Who do you bond with over shared feelings?

This rarely happens as most of the folks around here aren’t particularly fond of books. Didn’t you know, not reading is cool on the streets? It’s the worst plague humanity has seen in its existence, a fear and shame of books. Not to diminish the damage done by plagues in history, but I think this one will be the end of us.

Anyway, should this scenario take place, I have a number of online friends with whom I rant/complain about such things.

6) You’re reading a book and you’re about to start crying in public. How do you deal?

I don’t see that happening. I don’t read in public, the furthest I would take a book from my home is our yard. The only case where it could happen is if I was on the beach, but then it’s super easy — sunglass! Duh. SUNGLASSES!

7) A sequel of a book you loved just came out, but you’ve forgotten a lot from the prior novel. Will you re-read the book? Skip the sequel? Try to find the synopsis on Goodreads? Cry in frustration?

I would say that it depends on how much time I have available. I’d prefer re-reading the book, but if the odds are against me and I cannot make that happen, I would likely just look up synopsis online. Or, even better, if there’s an audio book of the same, I might just put that to play in the background while I’m doing another task.

8) You do not want ANYONE borrowing your books. How do you politely tell people nope when they ask?

I’d just straight-out tell them I’m clingy about my books and I cannot in good conscience borrow them to anyone due to fear of not getting them back or even worse, have them returned in a butchered state. You ruin my books, you be damn sure I’ll be haunting you in your dreams. Okay I may leave out the last part, I forgot we were aiming for a polite tone.

9) You’ve picked up and put down five books in the past month. How do you get over your slump?

I’d resort to munching on TV Shows or playing video games. Whenever I hit a hard time with anything, I know I just need an unhealthy dose of “bad entertainment” (tv, video games, vines, cat videos, etc.). Afterward it’s like someone has hit the reboot button and I’m back to functioning normally.

10) There are so many new books coming out that you’re dying to read! How many do you actually buy?

Depends on the money I can spare. Yes, deep down I’ll probably want to buy them all and maybe even buy myself a large library while I’m at it. Both so I can have a place for them and so I can read with peace and quiet. But in reality I know I’ll just make a list of all of them and then see how many I can cross off that list. Whatever I’m unable to buy at that time will eventually find itself on a future book shopping list.

11) After you’ve bought the new books you can’t wait to get to, how long do they sit on your shelf until you actually read them?

Some don’t make it to the shelf as I get to them right away, others are still sitting on the shelf and waiting their turn. Hey, I’ll get to the poor books right after someone makes my day last 25 hours. Not that I don’t want even more hours than that, but I’ll be fair and settle at 25.

THE TAG-EES

I’m tagging anyone reading this. Mostly because, as mentioned at the beginning, I’m in no state or mood to come up with lists of names. Plus, ain’t it more fun when we can all chime in on a topic?

Lists & Liebsters

A while ago I got tagged for a Liebster award by Story and Somnomancy. The scope of it is you give a shout out to newer bloggers or older bloggers who seem to be flying under the radar, as a way of promoting them and bringing bloggers together. I intended on doing this sooner but I got distracted. Then I was reminded about it when I won the Rafflecopter Giveaway hosted at Story and Somnomancy of the 2015 Young Explorer’s Adventure Guide. It’s an anthology of middle grade science fiction which features a story of her own. “Robot Sister Number Phi” tells the tale of a girl trying to replace her own sister with a robot.

Now, I know some bloggers don’t do these type of awards. We all know the best blog award one can ask for are readers and visitors, and I agree with that, but this one features lists and I have a weakness for lists. So, let’s give this a go!

Rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog.

2. Give your readers 11 random facts about yourself.

3. Answer the 11 questions from the blog who nominated you.

4. Nominate 11 bloggers to receive this award.

5. Come up with 11 questions for your nominees.

The Random Facts

1. No matter the type of coffee I’m drinking, I prefer it with a few drops of milk.

2. Even though I love both reading and writing, sitting down to do either of the two is always hard.

3. I used to love sugar and used it with everything, but recently (read: the past year or so) I’ve been avoiding it. Which doesn’t mean I don’t use it, but for example instead of using 2 teaspoons of sugar with my coffee I now use just a fragment of a teaspoon, if I use any at all.

4. I hate sorting music files. I hate it so much that even though I have my music on the cell and the computer, I tend to just play a radio instead of playing my music (which is clearly outdated and could use some spring cleaning).

5. I’m very easily distracted no matter what I’m doing.

6. I hate crowds in general, which also means that I do not particularly enjoy holidays and family gatherings. Thank goodness there’s food and drinks to get me through those.

7. I enjoy swimming and I like watching basketball, handball, and volleyball; but otherwise I’m not a huge sports fan (read: I don’t mind watching sports, just in most cases I’d rather watch a tv series as things tend to happen there).

8. I try to use clothes as long as possible, mostly because I hate shopping and I hate changing appearances. If a piece of attire is in a good state, still fits on me, and it’s good for the weather outside, why the hell do I need to waste money on buying a new one?

9. I’ve always been rather short and skinny for a guy from my generation, till 2014 when I got somewhat chubby. Which resulted in a huge self-esteem drop because apparently a guy with a tummy and moobs is the perfect start for a joke.

10. I always try to do things on my own, even if it means consulting with Youtube tutorials more than with actual other people.

11. A few years back I had a temporary allergy or skin issue of some kind. Whenever I’d be exposed to the sun too long or I’d do some exercise and I’d start sweating, I’d get a ridiculous red rash over my chest. Never got around to testing what exactly caused it. But eventually it stopped so yeah.

The Answers

1. If you can assign a theme song to your favorite book, what would the theme song be?

My favorite book tends to change just as much as my mood, and currently that would be George Orwell’s 1984. I think Gary Jules’s and Michael Andrews’ cover of Mad World would be a fitting theme for it.

2. What was the most recent book that’s made you grin like a giddy schoolgirl/boy?

That would The Thing on the Doorstep by H. P. Lovecraft, but mostly because I had been hoping to read it for a while and it finally ended up in my hands.

3. What types of books do you normally read?

I’m in love with horror as a genre, but most books I read tend to lean toward fantasy. Anything that goes beyond this ordinary world, but preferably something that avoids common themes (love triangles, the funny friend, the friend love interest, etc.). I like when my books surprise me, when it features something I wouldn’t have expected. There’s little enjoyment about reading the third page if I know what will be there after I’ve read the first page.

4. What author do you get excited over when a new release has been announced?

I’ll be ridiculously excited when I hear George RR Martin’s release of a new book has been announced, but in general I’m mostly excited about new releases by Neil Gaiman.

5. If you hosted a tea party, which book characters would you like to have sitting at your table?

The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, it’s a tea party so there’s no one better for it. But also Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf from Lord of the Rings, maybe Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. I’ll leave it at that because as mentioned previously I’m that big about crowds.

6. Any books that have made you angry lately?

Not that I remember.

7. Do you fully read book reviews before or after you’ve finished the book?

I like skimming reviews beforehand, especially if I’m not sure which book to read next. Sometimes I read whole reviews after I’ve finished a book, but usually not before so I can avoid spoilers.

8. What book(s) are you currently reading?

I’m currently in between books, but I have the following books lined up for next: Premium Harmony by Stephen King, Aesop’s Fables translated by George Tyler Townsend, and Alone (part of the The Girl in the Box series) by Robert J. Crane.

9. What book would you like to see adapted in a different medium (graphic novel, game, movie, anime, TV series, etc.)?

I would love to see various series, such as A Song of Ice and Fire and even Harry Potter, turned into anime.

10. Do you have any other geeky hobbies besides reading?

Would playing video games be considered geeky? I do some amateur writing, that’s quite geeky. I enjoying taking photos but I haven’t had the tools to do that in a while so I’ve grown distant to it. Nowadays I prefer editing images digitally.

11. Zombies or unicorns?

Zombies. I love unicorns, but not as much as I love me a good old dead no-brain human. Plus zombies keep others away so I could put a few in my yard. Can’t do that with unicorns, it would draw too much attention and would bring everyone and their mother to my garden.

The Nominees

So it shouldn’t be a secret but I haven’t been around that much lately so I’m sadly at a lack of folks to nominate here. It was one of the reasons I delayed posting this. Thus if anyone wants to do this, leave a comment and I’ll add a link to your blog up here. Otherwise I’m nominating whoever reads this!

An Adventure in NaNoWriMo

The Book Review Directory

Eric Schlehlein

Write Me a Book, John!

YadaDarcyYada

Daily (w)rite

Poems & Poemes

Storyshucker

SinghCircle

Sidekick Reviews

The Questions

1. How do you pick what book you” be reading next?

2. Do you have any books that have surprised you — whether you were expecting them to be good and they weren’t, or you were expecting them to be bad and they weren’t?

3. Are there any movies or TV series you’ve seen merely because you enjoyed the books the story is based on?

4. Do you have a least favorite or a favorite book-to-other-medium adaptation?

5. You need to pick yourself a partner and a best friend from the pool of fiction characters. Who will they be?

6. What’s the one thing that stands out to you the most when browsing books (covers, titles, description, etc.)?

7. A new system’s being put in place that ensures every person reads at least one book in their lifetime. You get to make the book choice, which one will it be?

8. What’s the last book you read in a single sitting?

9. What do you like doing when you’re not reading?

10. If you could adapt one book into a different medium, what book would that be and in what medium?

11. A Harpy or a Gorgon?

22 Days of NaNoWriMo

What comes after 7 Days of NaNoWriMo and 14 Days of NaNoWriMo? Well of course, 21 days! Except apparently I can’t math and just now I realized 4×7=28 while I’m aiming at 30, so I’ll be doing 8 days for the last two weeks. I do sincerely hope that anyone else attempting Camp NaNoWriMo is making great progress and their story is getting along well!

• Day #15: We’re JUST HALFWAY through the month?!

Usually you’d be the first person to look on the bright say and think “hey you’ve made it through half of it!” but you’re so tired all you can think is “ugh I have to do this for the same amount of time I’ve been doing it till now” and that’s a painful thought.

• Day #16: Remain calm, don’t panic, and keep writing. Okay, maybe panic a little but definitely keep writing.

Pushing yourself to do something every single day, no matter what it is, is going to be troublesome. And the best way to get through any problem is to keep your head cold and keep trying.

• Day #17: The weekend starts today, you can do this if you put your mind to it, right?

Just think of the wonderful feeling once you’re done, that majestic sensation should keep you motivated! There’s still time even if you’ve fallen behind. No plan was ever straightforward, they all have their setbacks so you just have to go beyond yours.

• Day #18: Who am I kidding, if I was using my brain I wasn’t even going to start this in the first place.

At this point you realize you’re fighting against every little atom in your whole body whenever you attempt to sit down and write. Any motivation and hope you gave yourself the previous day have already left the premises before you woke up. It’s like there’s an evil Santa visiting you every night and stealing all your positive thoughts so you’re forced to regain them on your own every morning. Or is this all just a game and you’re always restarted to the first level?

• Day #19: Argh where did my weekend go?!

Does the whole world turn against you whenever you decide to do this? Because it sure feels that way. At this point you’re not even sad, more like frustrated and angry and you want to go set things on fire (but not really).

• Day #20: Another freaking Monday… I’ve had it with this thing.

The more you try to push yourself away from it, the harder it hits you when you finally come back to it. No matter what you’ve started writing, you’ll have to finish it.

• Day #21: Okay, ten more days and you’re done. Kind of… Just keep writing dammit.

If a head could fall from one’s shoulders due to stress and frustration, you’re fairly sure yours would be rolling on the floor right now. But thankfully that could only happen in fiction. Which reminds you… What are you doing and why aren’t you freaking writing?!

• Day #22: Just 1 week left! Okay, almost. But almost is good enough, right? Right?!

You’re nowhere near as smug as Matthew McConaughey, but you feel you should be. Both because of what you’ve written so far and because you’re almost close to the finish line. Give yourself some credit, because others likely won’t do that. The best way to reassure yourself you can make it through this month is if you look back at what you’ve managed to do so far.

14 Days of NaNoWriMo

About a week ago I did a 7 Days of NaNoWriMo post, covering the beginnings of an attempt at Camp NaNoWriMo. The extraordinary National Novel Writing Month takes place in November, but the Camp is a smaller sibling project that takes place during April and it gives authors more freedom in comparison to the first. Yet, despite providing you with choices, some flexibility in what you write, how you write, and at what pace, do not delude yourself that it’s any less of a difficult or demanding task.

Writing in its self, no matter the form and purpose it takes is  an excruciating and agonizing assignment lead by an exhausting process of brainstorming, planning, and organizing plots which you’ll then spend day and night splattering with ink over paper, only to wake up in your sleep and burn out all the nonsense you realize you’ve written. But pain, misery, agony, and all the tragedy in life produce emotions, they stir our imagination and once those vanish, you’ll have in your hands the impeccable fruits of hard labor. Whether a short story, a group of poems, or the start of a novella, you’ll have at least the foundation for a written piece of work that speaks this is brilliant and must have taken effort or talent. Or maybe that’s just something I tell myself to help me sleep at night?

Either way, grab a pair of goggles as we’re flying off with a steampunk hot air balloon to revisit day 8-14 of Camp NaNoWriMo.

• Day #8: Ugh, my Wednesday is a Monday?!

The strong victory feelings you had the day before seem faint and distant, as if they were a million light years ago. Any remote sense of accomplishment evaporated with the realization that another heavy seven days are ahead of you. Begrudgingly you push everything and everyone aside and attempt to turn the table and be productive.

• Day #9: What do you mean it’s my birthday tomorrow and this is the Easter weekend?!

Not only are you behind with your word count, but with this coming avalanche of events in the next couple of days you’re well aware you’ll be buried under deep snow and your word count will remain as frozen as the Antarctica. Will you ever recover? Will you be able to dig your way up to see the sun again? Are you capable of rising from the ashes like a Phoenix? No one knows, especially not yourself, but this seems like the perfect time to start panicking.

• Day #10: Time to pretend I’m interested in festivities and non-writing things.

Stuff such as socializing, small talk, long conversations with people you barely know are so low on the list of things you wish you were doing at this very moment, one is quite certain that even breaking things, running around naked on the streets, and murdering anyone nearby, rank higher. Yet when there are celebrations there’s usually fancy delicious food, various selections of drinks, and hopefully a cake big enough for one to drown in it. You can never say no to all wonders that feed your soul and you’re certainly not saying no to cake. In some ways this helps you survive and put on a manic laughing face as you’re internally screaming to sit down and write.

• Day #11: Wishing it was a lazy Saturday and that you had a few less drinks the previous day.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, wash down your thoughts in alcohol and hope they never reappear again. But those little demons turn out quite the swimmers, and while you’re trying to get your head straight they decide to punch you like a boxing bag, repeatedly. You’re so swamped you’re contemplating the idea of saying screw it and taking a nap. Resistance is usually futile, but you try your best not to give in on the temptation.

• Day #12: Stop the holidays, stop the celebrations, for goodness sake stop the people!!

You feel holidays is the name given to some supernatural beings sent on planet Earth to beat you up, devour all your energy, creativity, and leave you exhausted, bloated, unable to do anything remotely productive. Doesn’t look like you’ll be doing any writing today.

• Day #13: Please shoot me and make sure you don’t miss.

The holidays keep going, which can’t really be said about your word count. More food, drinks, too many people and conversations for your taste, no sign of that glorious cake you recently had, and for all you know your brain has left the station. It may not have reached its new destination but it has definitely started the journey of leaving your head.

• Day #14: Remind me why I do this to myself every year?

The festivities might finally be over, but they’ve left you feeling like you spent the last few days running marathons, yet it doesn’t appear that you’ve won any of them as you see no trophies nearby. All you see is the obvious lack of writing, a plethora of plot points you have yet to plan out and write, while your mind says go to bed and don’t wake up till the end of April. Apparently, the weather finally left its Winter mood and embraced the Spring temperatures, but you’ve been so busy typing you haven’t even had the time to look outside.

You tell yourself to keep going, you’re already halfway there — you can definitely survive another two weeks of this, right? Somehow you’re not really sure, but you’re dead set on trying and you go grab another cup of coffee.

Birthday Thoughts

That would be a photo of myself and my niece this last Friday, April 10th, when I “celebrated” my 23rd birthday. I don’t know if it’s a culture thing that’s only present on the Balkan, but around here in your early twenties it’s expected that you get your Uni degree, you find yourself a permanent job, and you get engaged or married so you can settle down with a family. For better or for worse, I can say I’ve done none of that, but it doesn’t bother me. If all goes well, I’ll graduate this June. On the job front, we’ll see how things go eventually. And on the relationship part, why rush anything?

The only things I consider important in life are those each individual person wants to do. Things that make you happy, things that fill your soul, things that keep you thinking and improving as a human being. If everyone else is happy with getting those things by the age of 20-something, then I’m glad they’ve found joy and I wish them all the best in life. I can only hope they would understand that as much as we’re all the same in many ways, we’re completely different in other ways and we can’t all lead the same life. That would be ridiculously mundane and likely very harmful for humanity’s progress and evolution over the years.

But I’m not asking for any permission or acceptance. Currently I consider myself happy, and that’s the only stamp of approval I need. Whether others question my choices or give me side-way glances doesn’t matter to me, we all make sacrifices in life and I guess that will be one of mine. Heck, if that’s the only price for happiness, sign me up for a lifetime supply of it, I will take as much as I can if it means extra happiness.

On the other hand, it’s been one crazy busy week with the Easter holidays, this birthday, family and relatives visiting, Camp NaNoWriMo, and all sorts of other things. Which isn’t necessarily good, because when it comes to birthdays I pretty much share the same thoughts as Ron Swanson.

“I don’t like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don’t like people celebrating because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus, the whole thing is a scam: birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.” ~ Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation

7 Days of NaNoWriMo

In case anyone hasn’t noticed, lately I’ve been slacking somewhat (for example I didn’t get to do a Short Story this past Sunday). However, as far as excuses go I have the second best one — I’m attempting to do Camp NaNoWriMo. Which is the evil twice-removed cousin of NaNoWriMo, which would then be the stepmom or mother of evil and the very best possible excuse for slacking. If you’ve never tried either of the two, the best way for me to describe them to you is as monthly tortures composed of coffee, stress, self-loathing, coffee, random tantrums, mood swings, coffee, keyboard bashing, self-bribing with cake, and did I mention coffee? But if you do get through all of that, you’ll probably have the joy of owning a written piece of a decent length and very crappy quality. That’s why usually we take a short break to replenish our batteries, after which we continue the torture but now by editing instead of writing.

If you’re extremely fortunate you’ll have an amazing product to be proud of that you can show off to others who’ll look at you with awe. If you’re less fortunate you’ll find comfort in the fact that you’ve done the impossible — you’ve produced a novel in a month’s time. Sure, it may be something that you’ll hide in the most secluded corner of your computer forevermore because it doesn’t deserve to see the light of day ever again, but you’ve had fun and experience and those always come in handy. I’m getting off-topic though, the idea of this post is to illustrate how usually the first week (which I’ve now survived, woo!) tends to go.

• Day #1: Like stealing candy from a baby.

It starts as in the fables, this new land you’re discovering is gorgeous in every way and as peaceful as it can be. There is no sign of trouble anywhere and it’s a beautiful day so you even do your writing with as much leisure as possible. You’ve been preparing mentally for this for a while now and you’re quite sure in your capabilities and the plot you’re going for.

• Day #2: Everything is great and whimsical.

Another day of productive work, you haven’t come across any issues yet and you feel this is your year. This is the year when you out-write all your friends and produce the best story humanity has ever seen.

• Day #3: A few bumps on the road can’t stop me.

It can’t all be that pretty, you must have some rough patches and at least they make for a good story. You reassure yourself you can make it through this and a small drawback isn’t stopping you.

• Day #4: When I set my mind to it, I’m unstoppable.

You’re ready to move beyond yesterday’s trouble, you sit yourself down with a bucket of coffee by your side and you do some quality catching up. Heck, you even get ahead so you have less to write tomorrow!

• Day #5: Okay, maybe I lied a bit yesterday.

You already start feeling the weight on your shoulders fingers. It’s day 5 and you want to keep going strong but you desperately need a break so you attempt writing what you can without pushing your limits. You’ve earned some comfort and you can always catch up the next day, right?

• Day #6: Why is this happening to me.

I’ll catch up tomorrow is the most basic mistake, yet somehow you manage to throw yourself under that same bus every year. You even fall for that multiple times in the same month. You’re tired, you have other things to do, your mind is blocked, you feel like the whole world is on fire, and you start regretting you decided to do this.

• Day #7: How am I doing this, and can I please keep doing it for another 3 weeks?

You have no idea how you managed it or where you found the will from, but you sit down and catch up for the whole week. Was it the fact that you hate losing this early? Was it because you’re competitive and you wanted to show your friends you’re not a loser? Or was it simply because you promised yourself a whole big pile of awesome pizza which you’ll eat all by yourself? Doesn’t matter, so as long as the job gets done.

I guess it also doesn’t matter that by the end of the first week you’ll already be suffering from typing disease, where you’re prone to do some ‘typing‘ no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

101

The title’s 101 not because I have that many dalmatians at home, but because as of this moment that’s the number of posts on this blog. Which isn’t showing off — I started the blog in May 2012 so really it’s quite the opposite as I know a fair share of you who cover 100 posts in a week or two. I’ve been on and off in the past, unable to get myself to stick to posting. Back then it had a different purpose, different content, and a different theme. But I believe now I have a more clear direction and a better management of my time for it, so it should hopefully keep growing instead of stalling. In just 2 months this year I’ve achieved just as much as I did during 2014 and 2013, and I’m one third of the way to beating my stats for 2012. Which is not to say the path it was headed toward previously is wrong, it was simply aimed at a different target. Or, to use another Hemingway quote…

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

Just because the start might not have been that brilliant, it doesn’t mean I get to just ignore it. It still included writing and thoughts that came from me, it included pieces of myself. But it’s important to remember and honor the past, just as much as we aspire and plan for the future. Without the past we wouldn’t be where we are and there would be no future to look forward to — we’d still be at square zero.

So, a note for myself, and for everyone else I guess, keep bleeding, keep writing, keep sharing your hurt with the world. If we can all relate and help each other get through the pain, we’ll come out stronger in the end. Here’s to another 100 posts — cheers!

Sorry, Not Sorry

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

We’re all born the same way and we die the same way – alone in a vast world filled with all of these other life forms around us. Some like to think they’re the center of that world, but the truth is, we’re all very insignificant in the larger picture. We’re not even fragments of the larger picture, we’re tiny granules and it takes thousands and thousands of us to create a fragment. Which is not to say we’re not worthy or replaceable. We are who we are, we do what we do, and that can still make all the difference in the world because change comes individually. Yet if we all change in an individual manner, then everything has changed as a whole. Unity is what makes the difference, but that unit begins and ends with each one of us.

But the world nowadays doesn’t work that way. You’re born and you die alone, but in between you meet and forget lots of names, lots of faces, lots of characters. Some of them accept you for who you are, others don’t agree with who you are; some of them want to change you for the better, others want to change you for the worse; some of them won’t even pay attention to you, others will give you all the attention in the world. And while it’s up to you how to respond to any of those groups, you should never give up your own individuality and your own character.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

In a world where you’re being pulled from one side, pushed from another side, chained from a third side, and harmed from a fourth side, the impossible task is not allowing any of those sides to define who you are. Not allowing anyone or anything to alter what you stand for and what you want to do. Which is not to say you shouldn’t keep an open mind, without that you’re the equivalent of a stubborn mule not making any movement or progress at all. But your thoughts and your voice should forever remain yourself, and you should be the one who decides where you go, what you do, what  and who you accept and what and who you deny.

It’s impeccably difficult to define yourself, and for that you need to be alone. You shouldn’t be lonely, you should learn to be and live alone, you should accept and enjoy your own company. You should discover what you love and what you hate, who you trust and who you don’t. On the other hand it’s ridiculously easy to forget who you are. It’s easy to get swept in the masses when all along you were trying to go opposite of them. And you can fix that by being alone and reminding yourself what you stood for.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

I may be away sometimes. You may not see me in a while, you may not hear from me in a while. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten who I am or who everyone else around me is, quite the contrary it likely means I’m reminding myself of that. Maybe I should be sorry from distancing myself from everyone and everything, maybe that’s wrong and I’m making mistakes, and maybe I should even feel bad about it. But I don’t, I’m not sorry. I’m fine and I’m happy, but if I ever need you, you know where to find me.

Different Color and Different Herd

It’s truly peculiar how social media can gather everyone around a single thought or topic, yet as soon as it reaches a certain level of popularity there’s always someone strongly going against it for no actual reason. And they’re not some modern self-proclaimed ‘hipsters’ who make it their life goal to be against everything. No, those are usually easier to identify. I feel these are more likely people who are either unable to understand compassion or easily get angry over other people’s actions.

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” ~ Robin Williams in World’s Greatest Dad

No, this is not another post about Robin Williams, I have expressed my thoughts and sadness over that elsewhere. Though when the world loses a brilliant person of such a caliber, I do in fact expect my news feed to be flooded about it. On the other hand, it seems quite a few people I’ve been following have an issue with that.

I believe that whenever there is some big news news, regardless if it is good or bad, it should reach everyone. And whenever we bid farewell to someone, I do not mind any social media posts about it, so as long as they’re sincere and aren’t twisting the truth for attention. If everyone made a post regarding someone’s death, to me it shows how much those people cared about that person. They’re showing their grief and respect. A century ago using the social media to show grief may not have been acceptable, but it is now, or otherwise it should be. We use our accounts on various websites to display ourselves and our interests. Where exactly is the fault in showing we care about someone through the social media?

To say that “you didn’t know the man” is a valid argument against expressing sadness over the loss of someone is utterly ridiculous. It’s the 21st age, I may not have met someone (that in itself brings sadness to me, the thought that you’ve lost the chance to ever meet someone you wish you had) but I may have been familiar with their work. Might be I grew up with their work, it maybe have been part of my childhood and continued being an influence well into my adulthood. I may not have known the person to grieve about them like I would for a close friend, but maybe I have known, appreciated, and respected their work highly enough to be saddened by the news.

There’s a high probability that I’ve actually met more people online that I have in person. With the click of a few buttons you join online groups with thousands of people, a number you cannot hope to interact with in person. You may not know everyone very well, but the more time you spend online the more you get to know them, the closer you get with them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never seen them in person, should a time come when you lose them, you’ll be sad about it. They were not only someone you came in contact with, but someone who left and impact on you in one way or another. Despite not meeting them in person in your life, you felt safe enough to trust them with things maybe you could not trust others with.

Or maybe they helped you in a time of need. Maybe you helped them and they were eternally thankful, enough to shower you with love the rest of their life. We live in an age where contact between two people, personal or not, is seconds away. There’s no restriction nowadays when it comes to making friends, the only restrictions are the ones we create and impose on ourselves. So to me it is perfectly reasonable that one expresses grief over social media. Additionally I find one must seriously lack compassion to be bothered by another person’s post about the loss of someone they have never personally met.

We’re born, and then we die. Everything in between is a void filled with choices, and our choices are quite often influenced and supported by someone else’s life story or work. This is never visible on the outside, it’s like a mild wind that can go unnoticed by everyone in an area but to a dwindling fire it is what keeps it alive. And it’s okay to cherish their work after they’re gone, in turn that will keep the memory of the person alive as well. If your herd does not have a place for you when you’re in black, then find another herd that’s accepting of sheep in other colors.