self-esteem

Sorry, Not Sorry

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

We’re all born the same way and we die the same way – alone in a vast world filled with all of these other life forms around us. Some like to think they’re the center of that world, but the truth is, we’re all very insignificant in the larger picture. We’re not even fragments of the larger picture, we’re tiny granules and it takes thousands and thousands of us to create a fragment. Which is not to say we’re not worthy or replaceable. We are who we are, we do what we do, and that can still make all the difference in the world because change comes individually. Yet if we all change in an individual manner, then everything has changed as a whole. Unity is what makes the difference, but that unit begins and ends with each one of us.

But the world nowadays doesn’t work that way. You’re born and you die alone, but in between you meet and forget lots of names, lots of faces, lots of characters. Some of them accept you for who you are, others don’t agree with who you are; some of them want to change you for the better, others want to change you for the worse; some of them won’t even pay attention to you, others will give you all the attention in the world. And while it’s up to you how to respond to any of those groups, you should never give up your own individuality and your own character.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

In a world where you’re being pulled from one side, pushed from another side, chained from a third side, and harmed from a fourth side, the impossible task is not allowing any of those sides to define who you are. Not allowing anyone or anything to alter what you stand for and what you want to do. Which is not to say you shouldn’t keep an open mind, without that you’re the equivalent of a stubborn mule not making any movement or progress at all. But your thoughts and your voice should forever remain yourself, and you should be the one who decides where you go, what you do, what  and who you accept and what and who you deny.

It’s impeccably difficult to define yourself, and for that you need to be alone. You shouldn’t be lonely, you should learn to be and live alone, you should accept and enjoy your own company. You should discover what you love and what you hate, who you trust and who you don’t. On the other hand it’s ridiculously easy to forget who you are. It’s easy to get swept in the masses when all along you were trying to go opposite of them. And you can fix that by being alone and reminding yourself what you stood for.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

I may be away sometimes. You may not see me in a while, you may not hear from me in a while. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten who I am or who everyone else around me is, quite the contrary it likely means I’m reminding myself of that. Maybe I should be sorry from distancing myself from everyone and everything, maybe that’s wrong and I’m making mistakes, and maybe I should even feel bad about it. But I don’t, I’m not sorry. I’m fine and I’m happy, but if I ever need you, you know where to find me.

Define Who You Are

“Learn to be alone and to be yourself, don’t let the company of others define who you are.”

My own take on the “don’t let others define who you are” quote; we all need at least a soft whispering voice of our own if we are to leave a trace in this world. Socializing and hanging out may have benefits of their own, but so does some alone time. If you spend your whole life following others, you’ll never give yourself the chance to learn and experience what your soul craves to do.

Make sure you step away from others once in a while, and do something on your own. Something you always wanted to do. Something you love. Something that’s you.

Carpe Diem

Take a step, make a move, take a lead. Get a hold of your life, because at the end of the day everything you do will affect the rest of your life.

In one of my previous posts, Sadness, Be Gone! I talked how we should carefully select our friends. And I am here to talk about how wonderful life can be when you have the right friends and don’t let others affect you negatively. You are the center of your world, you are the strongest tower in your castle and the last thing you want to do is lose your King/Queen. Don’t let someone else rule your realm, be your own leader. Do what makes you happy, not what makes others happy.

Whether we’re talking about the type of pizza you want to order or the place you want to move to, you need to sit down and think things through yourself. Advice is welcome, but don’t feel bad for not taking someone’s advice even if they say they’re offended by that. How can one be offended by that? It’s not their life, it’s yours. Don’t let someone else make you feel sad or angry or jealous. Don’t let anyone else make you do or be anything beside being happy.

If you are happy then return the joy to them and make them smile when they have a bad time. Respect, appreciate, and return all good things you receive. Even if it’s just a smile, it will mean to them a lot. I know I have failed myself many times on this front, but I try my best. Many times I go along with what others do and then regret it, or forget to thank someone for the help and then feel bad about it later on. I’m nowhere near perfect, but at least I keep trying. I really do.

I just had what was possibly the worst day this year. My previous “Storm!” wasn’t really as strong or long as I expected; 3 of the plans I had for today failed and I cancelled the 4th so I can do work at home; I vacuumed for 2 hours and felt like and overused towel; I had a 2-hour meeting which ended up with extreme amounts of drama and stress, I had a headache for about 2 hours after said meeting, and last but not least – my mind had a meltdown. I’m not sure if it was the fact that I had a headache and I got a random unexpected call, but as I left home I had the weirdest day dreaming.

It wasn’t really day dreaming, I didn’t have my eyes closed as I was walking on the streets, but I was thinking and my mind was sending me thoughts of its own. What were they? Things I don’t get even in nightmares. They included my home, family, random hooligans (probably because of the group of punks I saw a bit before that), and a lot of violence and pain. My legs gave up on me. I was basically just standing there, realizing what my mind was thinking and panicking as I was trying to decide what to do. I called home and made sure everything is okay because it felt like a 6th sense is giving me warnings. Thankfully everything was fine and I managed to regain my consciousness soon.

I kept going to meet with some friends and I did something I really needed – drink a few beers with a chill conversations and happy topics along with some jokes and funny memories. It had unbelievable healing powers. All my bad thoughts were soon forgot, and my headache was gone. I realized I was feeling bad because of things and people I do not care about. They do not care about me, I have no need to care about them. Let them go their way and I will go my way.

I’m off to watch the finale of the Legend of Korra as I that’s what I want to do. That’s what would make me happy and help end my day with a smile rather than worries.

Crying as a Stereotype

Let’s be honest, how many people do you see crying in public? Too few. How do you react to most of those? Feel sorry for them or look at them as weaklings. That’s right, the human mind seems programmed to look at this as some type of weakness, when in fact it is the purest emotion there exists.

We cry the moment we are born, and we do it quite openly, regardless if we are male or female, there is nothing wrong with it. It’s a reaction that comes from hard times, unexpected changes, and basically letting go of the old while we try to accommodate to the new. There is nothing wrong with it, even if someone else tells you that.

Psychologically speaking crying can be viewed as a medicine for the mind because there is nothing worse than holding feelings inside you until you explode. You need to let go of those old feelings from time to time in order to make place for new ones and rinsing your soul through some tears is just the perfect way to do it.

You don’t have to do in front of other people if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can do it in your own room before you go to bed. Think about everything bad that has happened recently, give yourself the worst emotional blow you can – you will be surprised how good you will feel the morning after you’ve cried yourself to bed. And this goes to both genders, because those stereotypes about it being a girly thing are complete crap.

A man is not strong if he does not cry, but is just living a happy life or otherwise lacks feelings. In my opinion lacking feelings might just be the worst thing you can have in your life, because there is nothing as exceptional as the wonderful world of feelings. Cherish the good ones, learn from the bad ones, but forget neither because they shape us into who we become and create our views of the world.

Strength is measured by how much you survive, and crying is an essential part of survival – it shows that we are dealing with difficulties. This means you shouldn’t cry over every single bad thing that happens to you. Definitely not, you don’t want to be a whimp on a daily basis. But when life gets too hard, don’t hold the tears in, let them go. Tears come naturally and shouldn’t be held back. They are the purest of emotions and if someone cannot see you cry then they shouldn’t be beside you in the first place.

It is nothing to be ashamed of, but something to be proud of. Of course, as long as you have proper reasons for it and not use it for personal needs, like getting attention from someone. That’s lying and it goes against everything that tears represent. The only time you’re allowed to pretend you are crying is when you’re on stage, filming a movie or acting in theater.

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” ~ Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.